My holy week was a week of recollection and reflection. Although, it was also a week of work, I took time to reflect on my own life. The reflection was brought about by the song BUKSAN, as it goes: ang basong may tubig, lagyan mong muli, aapaw dahil wala ng silid.

All the while, I was looking for anger in my heart. I thought it was anger that is consuming me… draining meFEAR.

I had so many fears in my life: fear of dying, fear of heights, fear of being rejected, fear of losing something, fear of losing someone close to me, fear of losing the person I love most, and many more. I was so engulfed with it that in most cases it has blurred my rationality. I cannot even think well out of fear.

The worst thing about fear is that not only does it hampers my thinking, it also occupies ample of space in my heart. It has deprived me of loving to the fullest. It had occupied my emotion and thus making me less loving. My heart had become almost filled with it. It almost left no room for love.

As I look back, nothing of my being afraid had actually helped me in stopping anything from happening. On the contrary, It helped  in making what I fear come true.  In the fear of losing somebody, I had chosen to hold them tighter. But the tighter I hold on, the more they struggle to get out of my hold. In the fear of getting rejected, I tried hard to please everyone. In the end, I displeased more people than I could even imagine.

Today, after all the reflections, I realized there is nothing I can do to change anything by simply allowing fear to engulf me. So, I let go and let God.

It is only then that I have finally over come my greatest fear — the fear of losing the person I love most.